Adam Vinateri 15 - Ravens 6

No surprise here. Quite frankly, it's what he does.
(In other news, Peyton will get his groove back, and it won't take a date with rendezvous with Taye Diggs to do it. Just you watch.)

Indianapolis 23 - Kansas City Chiefs (absent)

So, yeah. It wasn't Manning's best game, but luckily for him Herm Edwards fielded a series of neon pylons for the Chief's offense. In other news, Edgerin who?

Peyton's Concentrated Power of Will 27 - Miami 22

Just you watch, the next time Peyton Manning plays the back of his jersey will read "GIT'R DONE" instead of "Manning", you'll see.

Indianapolis 24 - The Texans!? 27

I'm convinced at this point that playing Manning both ways would be more productive than the current defensive set up. I mean, it can't get any worse and he gets it done on one side of the ball why not try the other, right?

That's More Like It 34 - Cincinnati 16

Good form, boys. Good form.




















Special congratulations go to the Indy D for not sucking moose balls. Keep it up, guys.

Indianapolis 17 - Bad Guys 44

"C'mon, guys, like seriously. [winces from ensuing play/carnage] Like... c'mon."
















Although, as a god, Peyton would never say "you f*cks..." he's probably thinking it in this picture... and he's probably not thinking about the other team.

When you're this cool...

Yet my presence grows...

Even though the internet does not need another one of my half maintained blogsites I've created an online photo album to chronicle more of my "family friendly" adventures that I've captured with my cell phone camera (believe it or not).

I've linked it here as well as added yet another link to the sidebar.

P.S. Be forewarned that there are quite a few pictures of me and my girlfriend.

P.P.S Also, be forewarned that no matter what you may think I'm still friggin' hardcore awesome.

And Now For Our FEATURE PRESENTATION or A Crash Course in Movie Snobbery

So, because I'm too lazy to post pictures of my Coachella trip (and other happenings of note) I'm going to wet your (read: the four people who read this) collective appetites with my Ultra Quick Guide To Move Snobbery (patent pending, of course).

Without further adieu...

Citizen Kane (1941)

Orson Welles has left quite possibly the deepest, and longest lasting, marks in the history of the motion picture with this film. Pioneering such film techniques and deep focus no top ten list (or top 100) is complete without this film.

Psycho (1960)

Quite possibly the film maker on this list whose films would benefit the most from taking Zoloft would be Alfred Hitchcock. This limey overweight bastard makes you feel the suspense and guilt by having you fill in the blanks with his style of film making. Nowadays, ol' Alfred is more of a pop culture icon than noted filmmaker.

Memento (2001)

Appearing in the "So-and-So's Top Picks" section of your favorite movie rental joint there isn't a single pretentions film student in the world who hasn't seen this movie. Despite its truly quirky and original reverse linear narrative this movie is unforgetable.

King Kong (1933)

You too can be the next Peter Jackson by watching this 1930's cinematic triumph of special effects. Often mistaken to be the 2000lb gorrila of B-Movies this production was hardly that when it was first released WAY back-in-tha-day. Don't worry, though. Not very many people will be movie savy enough to correct you on that one. A close second choice for this slot goes to Godzilla (1954)

Blade Runner (1982)

Very rarely has the downtrodden bile of civilization ever looked so damn pretty. Be sure to watch both versions (narrated, and un-narrated) of this Ridley Scott classic. But if you're really looking to cut corners just watch the director's cut (its really all you can get your hands on these days) and say you thought the director's cut (the one without narration) was a vast improvement over the original.

The Seven Samurai (1954)

Directed by Akira Kurosawa, and even imitated by George Lucas, this film has been remade into everything from a Western (The Magnificent Seven (1960) directed by Sergio Leone) all the way down to Pixar's A Bug's Life (1998). Very few directors have influenced their contemporarys so much and left behind such a legacy.

Persona (1966)

This is an Ingmar Bergman film. Ingmar-fucking-Bergman. I'm not going to try to explain international auteur cinema - too complicated, too bat-shit crazy. Just say that this signature Bergman piece was as captivating and confusing as human personality and no one will be the wiser.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Remembered mostly for Samuel "Badass Mother Fucker" L. Jackson and its disjointed chronology this film is repsonsible for launching Quentin Tarantino's career. The jury is still out on whether or not Quentin Tarantino is as gifted as he thinks he is, or if he is just a cooky hack that has fallen ass-backwards into success and acclaim.

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001, 2002, 2003, respectively)

I'm talking about the extended editions, of course. Though Academy Award Winning and loved by most, inner movie snob circles will still consider these bloated special effects showcases handicapped by their reliance on CGI graphics and vast New Zealand landscapes. Just pretend you didn't think they were as awesome as the first time you saw them.

The Godfather, Part II (1974)

Francis Ford Coppola was making 3 1/2 hour long movies when a crackly voiced, bald-faced Peter Jackson was discovering the joys of masturbation. He also did it without epic battles between thousands upon thousands of orcs, elves, dwarves, and limey white people. Telling people you've sat through this film implies that you've sat through Part I (which you should do) and that you both understand and appreciate Coppola's flair for sound editting. Check out Apocalypse Now (1979) to really get what I mean, paisan.

There, you have it. With these 10 films under your belt you're well on your way to being arrogant hipster movie trash. All thats left are tight skinny jeans, a brown sweater, and an ugly mod mop-top haircut.

Now lets all go to the lobby to get ourselves a treat...

COACHELLA or bust: The second road-blog instalment

Whew! You’ve missed quite the little adventure so far! Last we met I was rudely interrupted by a female border guard officer at the customs office in Coutts and she ordered me to cease using my computer immediately. So, preferring to have my cavities unsearched I complied. Anyhoo, all was well and good and were were out of there in a shockingly fast 45 minutes. Crazy, I know,

HOWEVER

A bout an hour away from the border we were pulled over for speeding by not one! But, in fact, two county sheriffs cars. The were very nice well mannered gentlemen (seriously) to boot. Let me tell you though things down here in the states must be awfully different from stuff up in Canada as the sheriffs felt the need to look through our stuff… at 3 in the morning on a very cold, and very dark highway. Satisfied that our stuff was far cooler than theirs they let us go with a warning and an order to appear in court on May 19th. Well, to be honest, the order was for James only and it will be interesting how (and if) he appears in Grand Falls, Montana court on May 19th.

Shivering from head to toe wearing nothing but light and airy lululemon (sans underwear, of course, to boot).

Our drive through Montana gets even better. Failing to observe the fuel level indicator in the vehicle James (who was pilot at the time) failed to turn off to what had seemed like the only gas station around. Getting to the next town on the road only to find that it wasn’t open we decided that we would chance things and push on further to the next town as turning back wouldn’t have been the “prudent” thing to do. So James pressed on and I quietly objected seeing as he was probably right. Wrong. Upon arriving at the next town, Wolf Creek, with an empty gas tank at at around 4 am in the morning we were shocked to discover that there was no gas station in sight. So, what did we, as intrepid travelers, do? Being the only properly clothed (relatively) individual in the car who could handle the cold Montana twilight I set off on foot into the town armed only with a flash light in search of the gas station. The town was built just below the elevated highway in a dip between the uncomfortably close mountains. The buildings were small and wooden with small windows, and there was nary a porch light or lamppost to be found. Almost like a mountainous shanty town, really. After about half an hour of running in the cold, I found the deserted gas station. We were lucky enough that though closed for business until the morning the pumps were left on and were able to use our credit card at the pump fuel up and proceed on into the night. Stopping to urinate at the town’s edge we had successfully overcome yet another obstacle we pressed.

Now, after that ordeal I am seriously considering changing my name to Rubicon.