Settlers of Catan: Part I

I was talking about Settlers earlier, remember? Of course, you do. Cutting straight to the bone the following are different things you can do to spice up your game of settlers. A set of "house rules" if you will.

1) Rename/replace game pieces. For instance, "Grain" becomes "wheat" (even though what is (apparently) depicted on the card is clearly barley), "clay" becomes "brick" and so on. For the Cities and Knights use the term "pirates" instead of "barbarians" and when referring to them be sure to use terms like "Yar!" and speak in a pirate-esque voice.

For those who are slightly more adventurous try renaming the robber "the penis", or the "land penis", or "the dick" this will ensure hours of amusement as you "dick" other placers for resources, I mean really just fuck them (Ha! Get it!). I've gone so far as to replace the robber with a fascimile of an actual penis that is the same size as the robber. Delightful, I know.

2) Once you've renamed/replaced everything, mispronounce their names. Remove or replace syllables in the name. For example, pronounce "wheat" as "wet" and "sheep" as "shep". By far the most amusing is turning "pirates" into "prates"

3) When setting up the board don't just randomize hex placement but randomize the number tiles placement as well. Create a disbalance that must be overcome by smart players. You can do this, you are a thinking human being you do not need a board to baby you through a game. Show Machiavelli you know whats what.

4) In Cities and Knights when you "spy a spy" you may then use the stolen spy immediately. Just like ghosting a ghost in MarioKart.

5) To win the game you must win by two victory points. This is simple.

Secret Magical Mystery Option 6) Get wicked crunk.

Be sure to violently impose these rules on guests to your game. Enjoy.